GYM

SEASON 1 EPISODE 12 (EPISODE 12)

THIS IS IT:

The first thing we see is Louie laying in bed, watching TV and eating a huge bowl of ice cream.  On television is Channel 4 news where the female anchor Liz Chaney (Kate Gilligan) is reporting on the mayor who is expected to “smear his shit all over my fat natural boobs”.  Unsurprisingly Louie is shocked and confused by this so he rewinds the broadcast to check he didn’t imagine it.  This time instead the newsreader repeatedly says more and more disgusting things until she breaks for an advert break at which point she freeze frames and gradually and subtly pulls a more evil and maniacal expression as she physically melts.  Then suddenly with a flick of the remote Louie finds himself in the news studio as he watches himself onscreen.  With this the newsreader acknowledges him before giving a hard slap which startles and wakes Louie.  Disorientated he phones Nick DiPaolo and tells him about his dream.  DiPaolo takes it in then asks “did you bang her?” before telling him to go back to sleep to finish off the job.  Impressively Louie does return to his dream where he asks Chaney if she would like to have sex with him.  Her response is “but you’re just a little boy” at which point a young kid version of Louie is revealed.  With this the newslady picks up a huge kitchen knife and begins saying “daddy, daddy” over and over in a threatening manner.  Again emerging roughly from the dream the voice turns out to be his daughter asking if she can have some ice cream too.  He rolls over and the credits begin.  The episode cuts to Louie and Pamela (her third episode appearance) sat on a bench in a local playground.  She comments “I so don’t want to be here right now” as it is established that they are doing their parenting bit.  Louie asks her where she wants to be to which she responds “I don’t know, 25 years old and all my mistakes ahead of me.”  At this point they notice an annoying kid swinging a large branch around heading towards Louie’s daughter Lilly.  With this he heads over and takes the huge stick from the kid, hooking it up high on the link fence out of which of the protesting kid causing Pamela to laugh at his method and comment “that was awesome.”  Feeling ahead Louie then says “hey listen, erm…” at which point she stops him in his tracks knowing pretty much what he is about to say/ask before resigning “go ahead.”  And indeed Louie heads towards asking her out because, as she says, “you want to sleep with me.”  With this she asks a very good question: “why would I sleep with you?”  Naturally Louie struggles to give a convincing answer or argument presenting the scenario “I don’t think you would, I just want to, and I was hoping that you would let me” which is met with inevitable laughter adding “that’s the greatest line ever told.”  Looking around Pamela comments “why don’t you try hitting on some of these other moms” pointing out the first example as being “I bet she’d just suck your dick just to break the awful pattern of her life”.  Getting into the groove of things Louie points out and offers Pamela a fellow father asking “how about that guy?  Wouldn’t you just like to climb onto his head and rub your dirty bush all over his glasses?” prompting the response “I already did.  And it was good”.  Then he points at another dad saying “I bet he’d be happy to cram his balls into your puss-hole” prompting the response “see, I don’t hate that” - advantage Louie.  The episode then cuts to Louie performing at Carolines doing a bit about having to use the bathroom at the airport while having his daughters with him.  In the end he takes them into the men’s room where they observe the awkward experience of seeing nine penises before stepping into a stall and overhearing gross men shit on either side.  The episode then cuts to him dropping his daughters off at school and after dropping Lilly off he bumps into his friend Chris (Bobby Cannavale) to who he expresses exhaustion and the gripe that “I can’t do it anymore”.  The guy responds “yeah, the grind” before telling Louie that he’s got to get into shape, comparing being a parent to like being an athlete.  At this point he offers to train Louie starting right away so they head to his gym.  This guy doesn’t know what he’s doing as he pushes Louie too hard, first on a treadmill, then with weights and intense reps.  It proves too much as Louie slowly collapses to the floor like a sack of shit groaning and the next thing we see is him in the back of an ambulance on some kind of ventilator.  When the episode cuts to the hospital Louie is out and suddenly a hand begins putting balls of cotton wall into his mouth Marlon Brando/Godfather style.  It is then revealed that the hands belong to his doctor Ben (Ricky Gervais) who once he has filled Louie’s mouth with cotton holds onto his nose so that he can’t breathe which naturally wakes him.  With this he begins to take the stuff out of his mouth but his doctor tells it needs to be in there only to get annoyed when he can’t understand Louie as he tries to tell him what happened causing him to maniacally laugh.  When Louie tells him he was the gym Ben tells him that he can’t do that anymore, he doesn’t have a normal as such.  He tells how he was working out and then he just passed out at which point the doctor says “a lesson learned, that you’re going to die very soon” before chuckling once more.  At this point a Dr Drake checks up on Louie telling him that the x-ray uncovered a “massive myocardial defecation” which is a big pile of shit sitting on top of his heart which he is told is caused by a bad marriage.  Shocked Louie looks at Ben who corpses revealing Dr Drake to be a hired stooge who also cracks up laughing.  With this Ben says how proud he is of the prank to the point that he is “more proud of that than saving lives.”  Annoyed Louie tells the doctor that he should be spending his spare time transplanting a new face onto a burn victim to which he responds that would rather take a burned person’s face and transplant it onto Louie’s face even though he didn’t need it.  Then with Louie’s face, after being rejected by the burns victim for being too fat, freckly and ginger, he would put it on the burn victim’s genitals and anus.  In conclusion Dr Ben tells Louie that he is not going to die immediately and he’s just as unhealthy as ever at which point Louie concedes that he has to get healthy to which Ben surprisingly responds “no, the opposite, you’re so far gone, you’re such a pointless creature now that to try and get fit, this will always happen, just don’t try and get healthy, eat what you want and die early” as the episode cuts back to Louie doing stand-up saying “I think about killing myself sometimes I’ll be honest with you.  And it’s not from depression, its like a fantasy “what if I die?  That would be awesome”.

IS IT ANY GOOD:

Yes its smart and silly.  An apple of my eye tries to hurt me by saying “Louie is a dumbass” and with episodes like this it is tough to disagree.  Also the exchange in the first half between Louie and Pamela has great chemistry.

WHAT IT TAUGHT ME:

Its great to talk dirty with a female friend but be sure not to slip into the friend zone.  Getting in shape is a waste of time.

WHY IT IS IMPORTANT:

The modern world comes with certain expectations for us to be a certain body shape/type which requires/relies on a good diet and regular exercise.  The powers that be tell us that this is essential, that we must abide by it and it is the root to happiness.  As Louie’s efforts fail him, they actually cause major damage so the conclusion is ultimately you need to live with yourself, to own your body.

STANDUP ELEMENT:

Comes from Carolines as he does a bit about going to the bathroom at the airport with his daughters

EXTERNAL REFERENCES:

It highlights the futility of the gym experience.

BEST LINES:

“Why would I get into a bed with you?”, “I dunno, because you’re very tired.”  “I don’t think you would, I just want to, and I was hoping that you would let me.”  “I bet she’d just suck your dick to break the awful pattern of her life”.  “How about her?  I bet if you ripped off that puffy coat she’d let you rub your smelly little cock all over her depressing tits.”  “How about that guy?  Wouldn’t you just like to climb onto his head and rub your dirty bush all over his glasses?”

BEST JOKES:

The exchange with Pamela in the playground debating the sex lives of their fellow parents is an amazing conversation.  There is genuine chemistry.

PERIPHERAL MOMENT:

Louie loves ice cream.

REALITY CROSSOVER:

Over the years I have talked dirty with various female friends and, while being fun and personal, like Louie and Pamela it has never led to sleeping with them.  Also I used to do kickboxing at the Virgin Active near Warren Street/Euston.  It didn’t do me any good whatsoever.

MVP:

Pamela Adlon is so awesome in this episode.

GUEST APPEARANCES:

Pamela Adlon, Bobby Cannavale and Ricky Gervais.  Nick DiPaolo also makes an appearance.

EPISODE LINKS:

Only really the return of Dr Ben.

PERCULARITIES:

Why doesn’t Pamela want to have sex with Louie?  Where does Chris disappear to?  Why is he so afraid of his daughters?

OPENS:

With Louie in bed eating ice cream and watching the news on TV.  This leads to a surreal dream with the anchor woman.

CLOSES:

With the news anchorwoman reporting terrible and horrific news stories in a gross out style akin to The Aristocrats.  Eventually she fluffs a line about the mayor farting on her tits 48 times.  That poor woman.

OTHER:

I want a friend like Pamela.  Also has anyone ever seen Pamela Adlon and Demi Moore in the same room at the same time?

FINAL WORDS:

So I won’t be going to the gym ever again.